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n the eleven years that my husband and I have been together we have moved five times; we have built four homes, and remodelled four others. I am very familiar with what a couple can expect 'under the influence' of construction. Beyond this, my husband is the founder and owner a very successful Design/Build firm in the San Francisco Bay Area, so we have a lateral view of what many, couples go through, over and over again.
The emotional tax during a remodel is very real, indeed. Yet because there is little available information about it we tend to take the hard rout. We think, "Oh, it's not as bad as other people make it out to be!" or "If we don't make a big deal about it, everything will be just fine." And, actually, what choice do we have?
Less than halfway into it, many couples realize that not only is there a huge emotional side to their project, but that it is far bigger than they had imagined it could be. We have all heard about couples who divorced, or nearly separated, after building their dream home. Answers to the question of "why" are limitless, but the bottom line is this: if they knew what to expect and/or had some guidance, they may have still liked each other once their home was finished. Remodelling is a huge deal, and it is not for the faint of heart or the uninformed. Even if you have a very strong marriage, there are likely to be emotional side-effects you would rather avoid, and could, if you exercise the care necessary ahead of time.